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"i'm busy": a friendly reminder.

1
AuthorMessage
Archon
Feb 07, 2011
3171
hi all~

i feel compelled to post this after an experience i had in-game just a few minutes ago. i was in the commons, trying to snag myself one of the new birthday fish for my collection, when the following exchange took place between me and a recent addition to my buddy list:

him: help me plz
me: can't, i'm busy.
him: you're lying you *childish version of a very forum-unfriendly name*, you're in the commons.
me: okay, you're deleted.

i then blocked and deleted him; probably should have reported him, too. but, as the adult in this scenario, i figured that i'd let him think that he was being all mature and stuff by attempting to curse at me. lol.

"so, von, what's the point?"

the point is that "i'm busy" does not mean "i'm questing". perhaps i'm fishing, crafting, gardening, or even just talking to a friend. maybe i'm helping someone else, don't have the time to commit to it, or i'm enjoying my own company and (because i'm a horrible person) really don't want to help you right now. regardless of what that reason is, you don't have the right to question it. it's my free time, and i call the shots~ not you.

would i have helped him if he had asked nicely? possibly. but i guess we'll never know.

please respect your fellow wizards and their time; wouldn't you want them to do the same for you?

-von "so long, and thanks for all the fish paste" shadowsong
(and yes, i got my birthday fish... thanks for asking!)


Explorer
Feb 19, 2012
66
hey von, I know and fully understand that it can get annoying if you are in fact busy doing what you do and your disturbed with someone saying "PORT, or HELP ME" and it gets done over and over although that does not sound like the case here I too am an adult and as adults we need to remember that we are in a childrens game I simply say I am sorry I am busy or if they are using the prefabricated chat ill use the one moment I am busy or ill be right there and I am always there if someone needs it and KEY WORDS HERE THEY ARE PATIENT ENOUGH TO WAIT if not then I wont help so he was probably a child and didn't like your answer and well maybe ya could have said it a little more friendlier "im sorry, or I am in the middle of something, give me a little while or I can help you later. not "cant im busy" we all need to remember the others feelings and also that being we are text chatting in game how we come acrossed to one another in what is being said emotionally gets lost in that text chat.

all in all if they are being rude then von I am behind you 100 percent but if not then well like it says in the 101 guide ignore or remove and run along if they are rude.....

yours truly
liam stormbrand representing TEAM BRING IT

Astrologist
Dec 26, 2013
1127
Dr Von on Sep 4, 2015 wrote:
hi all~

i feel compelled to post this after an experience i had in-game just a few minutes ago. i was in the commons, trying to snag myself one of the new birthday fish for my collection, when the following exchange took place between me and a recent addition to my buddy list:

him: help me plz
me: can't, i'm busy.
him: you're lying you *childish version of a very forum-unfriendly name*, you're in the commons.
me: okay, you're deleted.

i then blocked and deleted him; probably should have reported him, too. but, as the adult in this scenario, i figured that i'd let him think that he was being all mature and stuff by attempting to curse at me. lol.

"so, von, what's the point?"

the point is that "i'm busy" does not mean "i'm questing". perhaps i'm fishing, crafting, gardening, or even just talking to a friend. maybe i'm helping someone else, don't have the time to commit to it, or i'm enjoying my own company and (because i'm a horrible person) really don't want to help you right now. regardless of what that reason is, you don't have the right to question it. it's my free time, and i call the shots~ not you.

would i have helped him if he had asked nicely? possibly. but i guess we'll never know.

please respect your fellow wizards and their time; wouldn't you want them to do the same for you?

-von "so long, and thanks for all the fish paste" shadowsong
(and yes, i got my birthday fish... thanks for asking!)

Amen Doc. It's incidents like this, which seem to be happening more and more frequently, that have me "invisible to friends" more often than not anymore. It never ceases to amaze how incredibly self-important some folks can be. I had something happen just yesterday that irked me to the core. I've amassed a big stack of Krokopatra Archmage Duels so I decided to open my home to some low-levels that might want a chance at some goodies. I went to the Commons and asked if anyone wanted to participate and of course was deluged with cries of "I do, I do" so I friended the first three requests and off we went. After the battle we were discussing our loot and one of my new "friends" asked if I had Crowns. Up went the big red flag! My feelings are that I basically just "gifted" them a dungeon romp and all of the bennies that go along with it but here he was wanting more. When I told him I had no spare Crowns he started asking how I got some of the gear I was wearing without using Crowns. I said, "I didn't say I didn't have Crowns, I said I had none to spare"... and then the name calling began. I think I nearly broke the delete button I hit it so hard.
Unfortunately, respect is a lost attribute. Both in game and irl I treat people with respect until they do something to lose it. And if they do lose it, it's gone forever.
And, by the way, did I detect a little homage to A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? (Sometimes I think the dolphins have the right idea)

Geographer
Dec 14, 2009
890
"I've heard there are troubles of more than one kind; some come from ahead, and some come from behind. But I've brought a big bat. I'm all ready, you see; now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!" - Dr. Seuss

Defender
Jun 02, 2013
167
Unfortunately in MMOs, there are these types of players who have learned and adopted the attitude of "If I bug enough players, eventually someone will help (carry) me". Their friend list is full of generous players who are willing to take the time and assist them either with helpful game knowledge, or difficult content.

I have 1, repeat, 1 "Friend" on my list and if time permits, then we play together. So far, this person is the only one I've come in contact with who seems to understand that RL comes first.

You should never have to justify why you cannot help another player out. This game has nothing in it that cannot wait for the opportune time, and decent group make up to accomplish. To a younger person, with little to no responsibilities, this concept is harder to accept.

Anything in-game you have purchased, and didn't win in a drop, or craft while gathering reagents/ingredients, was earned through working in the real world. I don't know why someone feels entitled to receiving gifts just for being online at the same time I am, and passing through a high traffic area like the the Commons.

What I DO know is I don't have to "gift" anyone my time, TCs, or Crowns, if I don't feel THEY earned them. If someone approaches me in a less than respectful manner, then they receive the same treatment. I'm old school in that way.

So, Dr. Von, I completely understand your frustration with that specific player. Common sense isn't so common anymore it seems.

Lincoln Realm
Gabriel 100
Michael 90

Survivor
Mar 25, 2014
19
I completely understand where you're coming from. Your time is your own and only you can decide how to spend it. Unfortunately some people in the game can't seem to grasp this fact sadly.

Archon
Feb 07, 2011
3171
Intrepidatius on Sep 4, 2015 wrote:
"I've heard there are troubles of more than one kind; some come from ahead, and some come from behind. But I've brought a big bat. I'm all ready, you see; now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!" - Dr. Seuss
lol, i love this~ what i need is a bat-shaped bat... something that will show people that this doc means business.



i agree with tucsonwizard~i've been using "hidden to friends" a lot more than i usually do because of stuff like this. i have no problem adding people to my buddy list, or helping people, though i will delete them the instant they curse at me, demand things, or otherwise annoy me.

to the person who criticized the way i responded to the request: fishing requires 100 percent of my attention. if i take my eyes off of that little lure (that often matches the colour of the water) for even one fraction of a second, i could miss it... how am i supposed to form a sentence longer than 3 words while trying to keep my eye on the prize and make sure that i am not in the chat box when i hit the spacebar?

(i work in web support. after typing at the speed of light all day, maybe 1) my fingers are tired or 2) the rest of me is exhausted.)

i'd also like to point out that it's not a kids' game~ it's a family game, meaning that there are players of all ages who share this space. and, if you are old enough to socialize with others, you are also old enough to respect your peers.

-von

Defender
Dec 20, 2012
102
Well, sometimes i do have to ask for help (as usual.) but I usually say it in a kinder way than that and the person should accept that sometimes people can't help.

But one time, I was about ready to do Xibalba, and I was like yay! Almost done with Azteca! I asked a friend for help. He said no. I said okay. I decided to try something. I asked if he would like to help with Tartarus. Oh, then he was free and could help me. SO frustrating.

Cheyenne StormHunter
Promethean Diviner
Level 97

Defender
Feb 28, 2013
129
TucsonWizard on Sep 4, 2015 wrote:
Amen Doc. It's incidents like this, which seem to be happening more and more frequently, that have me "invisible to friends" more often than not anymore. It never ceases to amaze how incredibly self-important some folks can be. I had something happen just yesterday that irked me to the core. I've amassed a big stack of Krokopatra Archmage Duels so I decided to open my home to some low-levels that might want a chance at some goodies. I went to the Commons and asked if anyone wanted to participate and of course was deluged with cries of "I do, I do" so I friended the first three requests and off we went. After the battle we were discussing our loot and one of my new "friends" asked if I had Crowns. Up went the big red flag! My feelings are that I basically just "gifted" them a dungeon romp and all of the bennies that go along with it but here he was wanting more. When I told him I had no spare Crowns he started asking how I got some of the gear I was wearing without using Crowns. I said, "I didn't say I didn't have Crowns, I said I had none to spare"... and then the name calling began. I think I nearly broke the delete button I hit it so hard.
Unfortunately, respect is a lost attribute. Both in game and irl I treat people with respect until they do something to lose it. And if they do lose it, it's gone forever.
And, by the way, did I detect a little homage to A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? (Sometimes I think the dolphins have the right idea)
When asked if I have any crowns, I usually reply " Yes I do and no I won't"
Then they either just go away or the name calling starts. It's remarkable how they get around the chat filter.
As far as respect is concerned, If someone wants my respect, they can earn it.

Geographer
Oct 09, 2011
950
mmoluvr on Sep 4, 2015 wrote:
Unfortunately in MMOs, there are these types of players who have learned and adopted the attitude of "If I bug enough players, eventually someone will help (carry) me". Their friend list is full of generous players who are willing to take the time and assist them either with helpful game knowledge, or difficult content.

I have 1, repeat, 1 "Friend" on my list and if time permits, then we play together. So far, this person is the only one I've come in contact with who seems to understand that RL comes first.

You should never have to justify why you cannot help another player out. This game has nothing in it that cannot wait for the opportune time, and decent group make up to accomplish. To a younger person, with little to no responsibilities, this concept is harder to accept.

Anything in-game you have purchased, and didn't win in a drop, or craft while gathering reagents/ingredients, was earned through working in the real world. I don't know why someone feels entitled to receiving gifts just for being online at the same time I am, and passing through a high traffic area like the the Commons.

What I DO know is I don't have to "gift" anyone my time, TCs, or Crowns, if I don't feel THEY earned them. If someone approaches me in a less than respectful manner, then they receive the same treatment. I'm old school in that way.

So, Dr. Von, I completely understand your frustration with that specific player. Common sense isn't so common anymore it seems.

Lincoln Realm
Gabriel 100
Michael 90
I'm fully with you. No one but me chooses how I spend my time and resources in the game, and the only friends I keep on my list are those I know in real life. If I'm questing with someone, though, and they send me a friend request, I'll accept it to avoid an awkward situation and just delete them when one of us logs out. Sometimes, if I feel uncomfortable playing with that person, I'll change realms and delete them.

Historian
Nov 28, 2010
613
"If I bug enough players, eventually someone will help (carry) me"

This is what bugs me. I used to like helping people back when I first started, but now I barely ever accept friend requests from people at a significantly lower level than me because of this.

Just about a month ago I went back on that because I felt I was being too non-community. A friend I had added at that time never asked for anything until a couple of weeks ago. I had logged in to do some quick fishing before I went to bed and this guy asked me for help. He was in the Labyrinth. Knowing how long that dungeon is I was reluctant because I needed to get some sleep, but I decided to help.

So I told him to give me a bit to finish what I was doing. A few seconds passed and then I started receiving those wonderful, "almost done?" and, "hurry," messages, I kept my patience because I was trying to be who I was when I first started this game.

Finally I finished and ported to him. All he did for 5 rounds was sit idle. Didn't even cast spells, just sat there until the round timer ran out, every round.

I decided not to flee from the battles, but eventually I lost my patience. After 2 fights, I just quit. It's bad enough I'm going to do all the fighting alone, I don't need my time wasted sitting there watching that timer count down to 0 every round. I've got better things to do with my time.

So unfortunately the cynic that refuses friend requests has resurfaced. Don't have to refuse helping a friend that you don't have.

Delver
Jul 15, 2011
290
Some players forget that other people are not there for their use/amusement. If you ever need an adult on your list, look me up.

Survivor
Jun 12, 2011
26
I, too, as an adult, wonder about the attitudes of these “children.” I hope most of us are looking to make this a good experience for the young and for the old. It is disturbing, to me, to see the ease with which they beg for gifts, TC, and just about anything else. Earning anything, should be part of the game world and the real world.

Archon
Feb 07, 2011
3171
DreamGalleon21154 on Sep 4, 2015 wrote:
Well, sometimes i do have to ask for help (as usual.) but I usually say it in a kinder way than that and the person should accept that sometimes people can't help.

But one time, I was about ready to do Xibalba, and I was like yay! Almost done with Azteca! I asked a friend for help. He said no. I said okay. I decided to try something. I asked if he would like to help with Tartarus. Oh, then he was free and could help me. SO frustrating.

Cheyenne StormHunter
Promethean Diviner
Level 97
personally, i (usually) don't have a problem helping people. but i will never make a promise that i know i can't keep.

if i say no, there's usually a reason: 1) i'm in the middle of something, or 2) i simply don't have the time required for the instance you need help with. sure, there's the odd time that i don't feel like socializing and just want to be by myself... but those times are the exception, not the rule.

for example, mirror lake or xibalba on a weeknight is quick; darkmoor on a weeknight, not so much... my free time is limited, and i can think of better ways to waste 4 hours. if it's my weekend, though, you might have an easier time talking me into it.

-von
exalted

Explorer
Feb 19, 2012
66
Explorer
Feb 19, 2012
66
I stand corrected your right it is a family game ......geared toward an a childs mind....some people just handle things differently... to each his or her own like I said before if they are rude than I am on your side but if ya cant multitask and answer and game play pfff lol simply ignore and press on lifes too short for me this is a place of zen

Delver
Mar 13, 2010
299
Thus is why I go invisible when doing things like fishing. I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO, but too often people believe that THEY own my time, not me.

Ask me to run Darkmoor and you might get a Yes or a No depending on life. I don't owe you an explanation for why I said No if I did, but most of the time I'll give you one. If I don't, and you don't like me not being at your beck and call, by all means delete me. Don't complain at me, though - that's a 100% certain way to get yourself "Ignored."

I'm sorry that happened to you.

(All 'you' in the general sense except the last.)

Survivor
Feb 19, 2011
6
I'm an adult too and it bugs me how some of the players think you are suppose to drop everything and help them. When I first started playing this game a few years ago, I used to help people sometimes but now I don't help anyone. Whenever someone on my friend list ask for help I say no because from the time I log on to the time I log out I'm busy doing my own quests or either fishing. Then after I say no, that person usually have something nasty to say and that's when they get deleted. I refuse to help someone who is disrespectful to me.

Survivor
Jul 28, 2014
6
Yes, this does sometimes happen, but you a lot of you said; "It probably was some kid" or something along those lines, which is a stereotypical comment, and some of you probably did the same thing, I don't want to sound mean, but don't make it sound like all children are easily annoyed, and annoying. Also, you are playing a game, created to mostly entertain children, so don't get so angry when you find a child player, who is jealous of your gear, or spells, or pet, because they have a right to be, it's like everything else in their daily life, trying to get the coolest looking clothes, and supplies, to be friends with the popular kids at their school or neighborhood. So next time remember that these are children. Now, I do not disagree with you that it's annoying but we all have to live with it, these children will be the ones who are in charge of the world after they grow up.

Archon
Feb 07, 2011
3171
Puppydonut on Sep 9, 2015 wrote:
Yes, this does sometimes happen, but you a lot of you said; "It probably was some kid" or something along those lines, which is a stereotypical comment, and some of you probably did the same thing, I don't want to sound mean, but don't make it sound like all children are easily annoyed, and annoying. Also, you are playing a game, created to mostly entertain children, so don't get so angry when you find a child player, who is jealous of your gear, or spells, or pet, because they have a right to be, it's like everything else in their daily life, trying to get the coolest looking clothes, and supplies, to be friends with the popular kids at their school or neighborhood. So next time remember that these are children. Now, I do not disagree with you that it's annoying but we all have to live with it, these children will be the ones who are in charge of the world after they grow up.
stereotypical, yes; however, age is irrelevant.

this is a family game, meaning that players of all ages share this space. if you are old enough to socialize, you are old enough to show your peers respect. and, whether the person in my particular scenario was 8 or 80, i would have handled it the exact same way; be jealous all you want, but i do not owe you anything and have no trouble blocking you if you are rude to me.

in my experience, it's not young children who are acting this way, but older teenagers. i ran into a guy last night, who cursed around the filter and, when i (jokingly) asked him to tone it down, he got all confrontational and falsely reported me... though he quickly quieted down once i pointed out that he, not i, had broken the terms of use.



(fun fact: after that, i refused to help him. i would not blade or heal him, and wouldn't even cast bladestorm until i knew he couldn't use it... that's what happens when you cross this doc. lol).

-von

Astrologist
Dec 26, 2013
1127
Puppydonut on Sep 9, 2015 wrote:
Yes, this does sometimes happen, but you a lot of you said; "It probably was some kid" or something along those lines, which is a stereotypical comment, and some of you probably did the same thing, I don't want to sound mean, but don't make it sound like all children are easily annoyed, and annoying. Also, you are playing a game, created to mostly entertain children, so don't get so angry when you find a child player, who is jealous of your gear, or spells, or pet, because they have a right to be, it's like everything else in their daily life, trying to get the coolest looking clothes, and supplies, to be friends with the popular kids at their school or neighborhood. So next time remember that these are children. Now, I do not disagree with you that it's annoying but we all have to live with it, these children will be the ones who are in charge of the world after they grow up.
Jealousy isn't a "right" - it's more of a character flaw. It's OK, even normal, to be envious of someone but jealousy is a step above envy with a dash of resentment mixed in. If anything, that envy should be channeled into motivation. Some people are always going to have "something better" than you have and this is going to be true both in the game and throughout the rest of your real life so it's best to get used to it. Or, better yet, do something positive about it. Go out and earn it the way they probably did. In game, not only will you eventually get what they have but you'll advance in level, experience and maybe even gain a few friends along the way.
And Puppy, these comments aren't meant to be directed towards you but to the type of player that Doc was referencing in the OP. Unfortunately, they're not always children. In fact, I'd wager to say that the majority of them are not and should know better how to act. If their actions are intended to win a popularity contest they're going to find themselves living a very lonely life.

Explorer
Feb 19, 2012
66
peers : a person who is equal to another in abilities, qualifications, age, background, and social status clearly not the case here if asked for help hmm not taught in m.d 101 lol code of conduct should be followed and self indulgence cannot be reasoned with lol thank you kings isle for the ignore button happy birthday and many many more

yours truely TEAM BRING IT

Explorer
Jul 16, 2009
86
I've yet to see in all the years I've been playing, folks who respect the "Sorry, I'm busy." response.
I've often thought it was just terribly bad, "You must be kidding me" timing.
I've had pals, over all these years, call on my help when I was deep in some dirty terrible dungeon I didn't want to be in, asking for help. Right at the most terrible crucial moments of battle.
Being in the commons sounds easy, compared to that.

I respect your right to use your time the way you want it. I do.

Maybe you mentioning it will get wizards to respect one another's personal spaces, and time.

It is, however, an MMO.

You have a most certain dignified "right", as a human being, to tell other wizards you aren't up for what they are asking of you, even if they are your friends, but I always think to myself, - "is this some little kid?".
Your experience seems to show you were being manipulated in some way. Being burned for 5+ rounds? That's painful.
I've been in the Labryinth with folks and had pals come back after 10+ rounds because they lost connection, and finish the dungeon together.
I've lost connection in there. I've seen my own little people family members lose connection and get "stuck" in there and have to "time-out", and repeat the whole thing! More than once, ( it isn't my favorite place, anyway.).

Don't feel bad, but, don't expect it to change w/o a lot of thought on the part of all our wizard pals.
Maybe some "growing up time", too, for our younger friends.

Think about that. 10 rounds...+
Just try to be nice about it- if you can. :)
If you can't- be kind to yourself, and think about the other what might be's for everybody else.

Archon
Feb 07, 2011
3171
Ontheotherside on Sep 11, 2015 wrote:
I've yet to see in all the years I've been playing, folks who respect the "Sorry, I'm busy." response.
I've often thought it was just terribly bad, "You must be kidding me" timing.
I've had pals, over all these years, call on my help when I was deep in some dirty terrible dungeon I didn't want to be in, asking for help. Right at the most terrible crucial moments of battle.
Being in the commons sounds easy, compared to that.

I respect your right to use your time the way you want it. I do.

Maybe you mentioning it will get wizards to respect one another's personal spaces, and time.

It is, however, an MMO.

You have a most certain dignified "right", as a human being, to tell other wizards you aren't up for what they are asking of you, even if they are your friends, but I always think to myself, - "is this some little kid?".
Your experience seems to show you were being manipulated in some way. Being burned for 5+ rounds? That's painful.
I've been in the Labryinth with folks and had pals come back after 10+ rounds because they lost connection, and finish the dungeon together.
I've lost connection in there. I've seen my own little people family members lose connection and get "stuck" in there and have to "time-out", and repeat the whole thing! More than once, ( it isn't my favorite place, anyway.).

Don't feel bad, but, don't expect it to change w/o a lot of thought on the part of all our wizard pals.
Maybe some "growing up time", too, for our younger friends.

Think about that. 10 rounds...+
Just try to be nice about it- if you can. :)
If you can't- be kind to yourself, and think about the other what might be's for everybody else.
this being an mmo simply means that playing with others is an option~ it does not mean that i owe anyone my time, my tc, or anything else.

i'm very selective about who i play with, for this reason. my friend requests and ports are disabled, and most of my in-game friends are other adults, though i do have kids on my buddy list as well~ age doesn't matter (it's just a number), but respect for me and my time does.

i'm the kind of person who helps newbies, will hatch with virtually anyone who asks, and will take care of her teammates before they even ask for blades or healing. but do not ever mistake that kindness for weakness~ it will be the last mistake you ever make with me.

-von

Explorer
Feb 02, 2011
99
The one thing I hate about kids is that they think that one school is better. Or better yet, they ask for me to blade them and not attack because I'm balance. I was kicking goblers at their level and they think that balance is weak. Judgement is one of the best spells in the first arc, and they still think that we are stepping stones.

1