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How do you handle something like that?

AuthorMessage
Squire
Apr 11, 2010
575
I'm posting this in the problems section (laboratory) because I felt it to be the most appropriate spot for this rather sensitive issue:

This game allows many people from so many different places and homes to interact with each other online. And while in game, a small portion of people, but more than two, have made a rather strange request of me:

I've been told more than once by players, "be my dad!"
Now I would love to just pass it off as just a big joke, but I don't like to make any assumptions about who the player is, what home life is like, or even age. I prefer to walk through the game neutrally and without judgment. But the world isn't very nice as we all know.

How do you respond to a request like that from someone? This isn't a nonsense I need a girl or be my boyfriend request. This looks like a bigger family issue that some players are either joking with, or are actually crying for help? I don't know but it's just a weird thing to say to someone.

What do you do with messages like that?

Adherent
May 20, 2010
2902
There could be lots of reasons. Some people want guidance. The person may not have a father or may have a lousy home life. Or it might be some older person who likes roleplaying a son or daughter.

The boyfriend/girlfriend thing isn't "nonsense" to a lot of the people requesting it.

Regardless, your answer should probably be to politely decline, and use ignore if they get persistent.

Defender
Sep 11, 2010
154
From your previous posts I am fairly certain you have eliminated all the "Who's your Daddy?" nonsense many would attribute to this incident and have actually encountered a situation that has "moved" you to want to do something ... but are not sure how, or what should be done.

Thanks for being my type of human, Corbin. Pleased to meet you. Mean it.

My two-cents ...

The WORST thing you can do is try to handle a problem that requires a "professional"'s attention. Please remember that. I haven't and I paid for it.

The BEST thing you can do, IF you have the time, is demonstrate that real people DO care about other people and SHOW them how to find the local resources they need.

"Be my Dad."
"LOL!!! You trying to get your mother a date? ;)"
Learn more about the "problem". Show you care. When the time is right ...

"What does your guidance counselor, favorite teacher, aunts, uncles, grandparents, coach, priests, whatever adult resource seems to be available ... think about this? What have THEY advised you to do?"

This encourages them to seek others who can REALLY befriend them and make a REAL change to their situation instead of a "virtual" one. Your comments and time spent MAY help them feel better - temporarily - but it will NOT address the real life problems the internet is allowing them to "avoid".

This whole "internet friend" thing is a HUGE mistake ... socially. It does NOT substitute for real-life relationships and far too many people are definitely "looking for love in all the wrong places" here, ... and for all the wrong reasons too. BUT ... it DOES provide an audience where troubled people can "practice" talking to people to see what works and what doesn't ... let THAT be a guidline to your appropriate "role" in this matter.

IF you do not have the time ... do not allow yourself to feel guilty about telling them flat out ... gently at first, but seriously later ...

"This is my personal "game time" - I am here to ease my OWN problems and do not have time for yours. Please do not discuss this with me again. It makes me uncomfortable and lowers my mood. Thanks."

Do not hesitate to "Ignore" at the slightest "insistence" you must continue to provide "something" for them other than gaming companionship.

Remember ... you did NOT create this problem ... and other than basic civic concern, calling 911 when you see a fire or a car accident, for example, you are NOT responsible for fixing it.

I sense this "harsh" act is going to bother you anyway.

You would not have posted here if it would not.

I like that about you, Corbin.

Hope this helped a fellow human today.

They are rare and treasured finds.

Speaking of which ... Sigh. Back to Golden Pearl mining ...

;)

Defender
Aug 06, 2010
173
Since you don't know whether a person is kidding around or not, my response would be "Well, I wasn't looking to be anyone's parent. I'm just playing the game. Do you need help on a quest?"

No one has ever asked me to be their Mom, but I have had instances where a couple teens just needed a listening ear or encouragement.

You hear horror stories of troubled kids that hurt themselves because they were reaching out to someone and no one listened. As a parent, I think it is the saddest thing.

A kid tells me he got in a fight at school and hates his classes. We talk about it and I suggest he talk to his class counselor to request the changes. I tell him that if he focuses on completing hs education and looks beyond the high school years, he'll go farther than hanging out with the school gangs. He could have endless possibilities in his life - while the gang will still just be circling the neighborhood. And I bounce it back to him - what does he think? This kid I am talking about was someone I just friended earlier that day because we were on a 1v1 pvp.

While I recognize that I am not a professional, and it is not my responsibilty to save the world, and that this is a game site, and not a help hotline, I try to be a "friend" where I can.

Some just look for a sign to validate their human worth - that they are ok. Then after a few hellos and updates, they seem to disappear. I don't see them on line and assume they have stopped playing. I always hope for the best though.


Squire
Apr 11, 2010
575
Well, it is good to see passing thoughts of mine reassured by other posters here. It is just uncomforting feeling helpless, you cant, excuse the pun, wave a wand and say boom! Happy home for you! The uncertainty encourages me to avoid the issue, which makes me feel like I'm ignoring a victim of a horrible accident or something.

Survivor
Apr 03, 2010
45
You can never really replace a father, whether theirs are good, bad, or passed. You can however be a ROLE MODEL, maybe we (adults), as far as concerning reason's could offer this. There are different levels of any language, and a child's word's or feeling's might not be conveyed on a adult level of language. This may not be the case all the time, but your never to old to learn, right?

Mastermind
Jun 23, 2010
345
Some of my friends have made cyber families in game. There is a mom, dad, children, brothers and sisters. It could be as simple as that.

Megan